Select your "winner" from this festive group. Before you try to write-in Pete Rose's name, he was declared ineligible since he taped his "confession" in December 2003 and finished his book long before then.

Mike Sherman: With 2:30 remaining in the Packers' playoff tilt vs. Philadelphia, Sherman decides to attempt to draw the Eagles offsides on 4th and less than 1, then punts after failing to do so. Philadelphia then drove down the field — including a conversion on 4th and 26 — to send the game into OT, and eventually win it for the Eagles. This collapse obviously had to produce a scapegoat, and it did so in defensive coordinator Ed Donatell.

Ell Roberson: The Kansas State quarterback was alleged to have been involved in non-consensual sex and curfew violations before his team laid a considerable egg against Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl. Though charges were not filed, getting himself into that kind of distracting situation makes him a moron, which leads us to...

Bill Snyder: Roberson's coach first stands by him in an interview with ABC before the game, then starts him without any discipline. However, he reportedly refused to give Roberson a Fiesta Bowl ring and yanked Roberson's scholarship one semester shy of his graduation. And just when you thought nothing could happen to overshadow this program's consistently horrible schedule making...

Troy Walters: With seven seconds remaining in the Colts' 24-14 loss to New England in the AFC final, Walters catches a pass with a Patriot defender several yards away. Knowing he needs to get out of bounds to stop the clock, Walters does so... two yards short of the first down marker. Granted, this probably wouldn't have made too much difference in the grand scheme of things, but still.

Ryan Hazzard: The man who closely resembles the Jim Rome phenomenon "Likes to Fight Guy", Hazzard apparently got boozed up, and then knocked the costume head off the St. Cloud State hockey team's mascot at their game against North Dakota State. The mascot attempted to hug Hazzard, and Hazzard then shoved the mascot and knocked off his costume head. To make matters worse, the whole incident would have just been forgotten if he had peaceably left the building. Hazzard, however, allegedly decided to get a bit brave with officers, and it earned him three charges.

Steve Pederson: The Nebraska AD fired Frank Solich with visions of grandeur, figuring to lure a top-name coach to Lincoln. He was summarily rebuffed by several coaches, including a much-publicized rendezvous with Arkansas' Houston Nutt, who had won ten less games than Solich in the same time period. He eventually did hire former Raiders coach Bill Callahan, but not before an embarrassing public search...

Trev Alberts/Houston Nutt: In a continuation of the above, a war of words developed between Alberts and Nutt after Nutt said no to Nebraska twice. Alberts accused Nutt of using Nebraska to get a better contract from Arkansas on ESPN's "Outside the Lines", and Nutt responded by calling Alberts a "goofball" and demanding a public apology. Arkansas' contingent is now considering sending a complaint to ESPN and demanding Alberts be punished, even AFTER Alberts called to apologize.

Dickey Nutt: Houston's brother makes the list, as his Arkansas State basketball team played Middle Tennessee State on Thursday night, and had the ball late in the game, down three points. Arkansas State's Dewarick Spencer hit a three-pointer seemingly taken from another area code with no time left, and ASU's players began frantically celebrating, and Nutt ran to midcourt in a jubilant fashion to shake hands with MTSU coach Kermit Davis. The problem? That shot only tied the game. For Nutt's part, he said this after the game: "I want to apologize to Kermit. In our last timeout (of regulation) I told Dewarick he would hit the shot to win the game. When he hit the shot I thought we went up one. I went running down there trying to shake (Kermit’s) hand and he very nicely told me it was a tie game. It was like we worked all day long and didn’t get a paycheck. That’s what it feels like."

The Seattle Mariners: Included in their list of non-roster invitees to spring camp was catcher Pat Borders, who will be 41 in May. Is there a strike looming or something? Combine this with many of the bonehead moves the Mariners have made in the offseason, and one is left simply to scratch his head. And shame on the Mariners for pushing back Borders' appearance on the Hall of Fame ballot for one more year...

Dennis Rodman: The flashy former NBA player and celebrity Mole star signed on to play for the Long Beach Jam of the ABA, and the 42-year-old Rodman took his multicolored hair and one-dimensional game to the floor Friday night. He scored zero points (in fact, didn't even attempt a shot), and committed four fouls and four turnovers. He then spit out this gem after the game: "It's just another game as I see it," Rodman said. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to play in the NBA again. That's what it's all about."

Good luck getting someone to bite, Dennis.

Who Was The Biggest Dolt In January 2004? Mike Sherman votes: 3 (17%) Ell Roberson votes: 3 (17%) Bill Snyder votes: 2 (11%) Troy Walters votes: 2 (11%) Ryan Hazzard votes: (0%) Steve Pederson votes: 3 (17%) Trev Alberts/Houston Nutt votes: 1 (5%) Dickey Nutt votes: (0%) The Seattle Mariners votes: 1 (5%) Dennis Rodman votes: 2 (11%) Total Votes: 17

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